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March 31, 2005
This guy needs a Tic-Tac
From the Great White North comes this tale of Canadian ingenuity. Click with caution, 'cause this one's really gross.
TORONTO -- An accused drunk driver tried but failed to foil a police breathalyser after stuffing his mouth full of feces. "I don't think alcohol alone would make you do something as disgusting as that," Insp. Tom McDonald said.
Arrested Sunday after his pickup was pulled over on a highway just outside Barrie, Ont., the 59-year-old driver was put in a cruiser and taken to a police station for testing.
Sgt. James Buchanan said the prisoner vomited, urinated and defecated in the rear of the squad car.
After arriving at the station, he said the man grabbed a handful of his own waste "and placed it in his mouth, attempting to trick the breathalyser machine."
It didn't work, Buchanan said.
Breathalyser tests registered twice the legal limit of alcohol in the man, he said. The man was charged with impaired driving.
In all my time as a district attorney, having reviewed hundreds -- maybe thousands -- of DUI arrests, nothing rivals the sheer committment of this Canuck to do whatever -- and I do mean whatever it takes to try and beat the breathalyzer.
Most Americans prefer the more hygenic technique of lying about what they've had to drink, or whether they have any physical problems that might interfere with their ability to complete the field sobriety exercises administered by the cops.
The award for the most honest goes to a fellow pulled over by drunk driving in my county, who when asked, "Sir, do you have any physical defects?" replied, "Yeah, my dick is too small."
Ahem.
Oddly enough, he chose to plead guilty, rather than run that one by a jury of his peers.
Posted by Mike Lief at March 31, 2005 08:46 AM