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March 16, 2006
What's worse than screaming kids in a restaurant?
I've got a pet peeve -- Pipe down! -- all right, I've got lots of pet peeves, but one that is shared by many of you is the screaming brat in the restaurant.
A good meal isn't just the food; it's also the wine, the conversation, the setting, and the ability to enjoy all these aspects of the dinner.
Nothing -- and I do mean nothing -- chaps my ass like having my meal ruined by parents letting their kids run riot throughout the restaurant, confusing Koba Sushi or The Water Grill for Chuckie Cheese. It doesn't even have to be a fancy restaurant; unless there's a big rat and arcade games, it ain't the place for a play date.
The sheer bloody rudeness of the adults is mind-blowing; they're simply oblivious. I was having lunch with my wife and a friend at a sandwich shop, when a blonde, rail-thin, Landrover-driving blonde mom flounced in with her young son trailing behind, the kid pushing one of those Fisher-Price two-wheeled contraptions, the one with the clear bubble and a punch of crap inside that makes a popping sound as the wheels turn.
As we ate, the mother stood in line, waiting to order as her kid proceeded to ram the toy into the counter with a BANG!
BANG!
I looked up.
BANG!
She stared at the menu, oblivious.
BANG!
I could feel my eyes widening, nostrils beginning to flare, blood vessels in my brain beginning to tear.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Heads were turning, as every other sentient being in the restaurant wondered what the hell was going on.
BANG!
Had the mother reacted yet? Sure. She was gazing adoringly at her little boy.
BANG! BANG!
I couldn't stand it anymore.
"EXCUSE ME!" I snarled. "THAT IS SIMPLY THE MOST CHARMING CHILD! IS HE YOURS?"
She turned, confused by the contrast between what I'd said and how I'd said it, looked into my bloodshot Manson lamps, then turned to Little Lord Fauntleroy and said, "Harold, be quiet."
Oh, sure, now she notices.
Barbie spun around and glared at me with her pale, ice-blue peepers and said, "You don't have children, do you?"
"As a matter of fact I do," I replied, thinking of Bogie.
"Well," she sniffed, "you should be more understanding."
I bared my teeth at her in a rictus of a grin that stopped far south of my eyes; she grabbed hold of Hubert (Herbert, whatever) and ordered through tightly-clenched jaw, then stormed out.
Naturally, the wife was greatly amused by my irritation, rolling her eyes at me and resuming her conversation with our friend.
I think back to that meal -- and every other where diners were serenaded by squalling brats -- and think how misguided I was to believe that there was nothing worse one could encounter in a restaurant.
Then I read this.
Britney Spears reportedly shocked fellow diners when she changed her baby's dirty nappy - on a restaurant table.
Customers were horrified as they watched the pop babe clean up five-month-old Sean Preston as they enjoyed a meal at a lavish Los Angeles eatery.
One said: "It was disgusting. Someone else has got to eat at that table. Yuck." The restaurant manager is quoted in Britain's News of the World newspaper as saying: "It's Britney Spears. What can we do?"
A two-fer! Moronic celebrity worship and crack-whore parenting techniques. The other diners should have rioted (I would have). As for that gutless manager? He should have thrown Spears out and comped dinner for everyone within sight -- or smell -- of the nasty nappy.
And you thought hotel room bedspreads were gross; they can't hold a candle to a table when Britney's been to dinner. Is that really guacamole on the table?
Blecch.
Posted by Mike Lief at March 16, 2006 12:22 AM
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Comments
I was recently at a local bagel shop enjoying Sunday morning coffee with friends and observed a gaggle of children who were being ignored by their parents intent on ordering their bagel just right.
The smallest one was taking cream cheese out of the cooler display case and playing with them, putting them on the floor, then putting one in the trash can. The older brother then pulled it out and PUT IT BACK IN THE CASE.
After they left, I went and picked up the contaminated container and gave it to the manager explaining. His response was, "It's not open." He basically thought it was no big deal.
He took the container to the back, but I can guarantee it was out again after I left. By the way: The older kid told the parents and they did NOTHING about it.
This story confirms all of my previous notions that Brit and KFed are disgusting and classless.
Yucko!!!!
Posted by: Thin Ice at March 16, 2006 12:41 PM
That annoying kid will be supporting you in your old age after you Republicans have mortgaged this country's future wih its 9 trillion in debt. Unless that mut of yours can flip burgers or file a tax return, rejoice any time you see a child because that child is going to carry your ass one day! Next time you hearing a screaming baby at dinner, you should volunteer to smooch his little ass.
Posted by: Sbarro at March 16, 2006 07:38 PM
It’s more likely that the likes of you, Sbarro, are going to bankrupt this country with your pet projects that take our hard-earned money and give it to some lazy slob, or provide medical care to illegal aliens (aka criminals, hence the word “illegal”).
I suspect it will be your obese children who spend the day watching reality t.v. and playing video games that will cause financial ruin to this country.
But hey, their self-esteem is important, so make sure you never let them around cranky people like the author of this blog.
Ahhh, a generation of lazy, mollycoddled slackers who have no idea they are capable of changing a tire, cleaning up after themselves, or actually learning (and not being emotionally crushed) from criticism.
On second thought, I think you are right. We should all just accept bad behavior, smile and tell the monster how cute he is just because he is a kid and we need to make him feel better.
We should reward not only mediocrity, but downright ineptitude, ignorance and rudeness so as not to risk the self-esteem of our future leaders. I’m sure that is how it will be for them when they are in charge. (Try not to slip on the sarcasm dripping from the page.)
Back to the issue of the story: there is absolutely no excuse for any human being to think they are so darn special it is okay to change their baby’s diaper on a table where real humans might want to eat. It is disgusting no matter who you are.
Another example of parents (like the mother in the sandwich shop) who are too wrapped up in their friends, cell phones, and Juicy couture, who are oblivious to their children, and not paying attention to what is going on around them.
If your life is so busy or important that you cannot possibly get up from the table to change a diaper, or you cannot stop what you are doing to take that opportunity to teach your child how to behave properly, then DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN. They do not need to be born in families that have no energy to raise them properly.
Finally, as for the “mut” (sic) comment – I am assuming you are talking about the dog photos. That is typical of the left to attack in such a fashion. Come up with something new already, would you?
Wishing you all a happy and safe St. Patrick’s Day. Sbarro, I’m sure you will spend the day feeding homeless whales or boosting some child’s self-esteem by telling her that her Birkenstocks look lovely on her, so I hope you are able to find some time to celebrate.
Posted by: Thin Ice at March 17, 2006 01:31 PM
Nice rant "Thin Ice." You must be running low on your meds. Your Republican fat cat leaders know the truth of what I'm saying. With a declining birth rate, they feel compelled to allow 12 million Mexicans "slip" across the border. When "Out on a Limb" decries the fact that a baby makes a little noise at dinner, he fails to recognize that what he's looking at is the worker of the future who will keep him living fat, dumb and happy like the rest of your "trickle down" Cool-Aid drinking Reaganites.
As for national debt, even staunch Republican neo-facists are now admitting that Bill Clinton was much better at balancing the Budget than George "dimwit" Bush. Thin Ice, if you can read above a 6th grade level, I suggest that you locate this neat new hangout called a book store and buy yourself a copy of a book called "Impostor." Beware, however, you may run into a few libs like me because we like to drink coffee and READ in our spare time. That's why we are aware of the realities of global warming, veiled racism, skyrocketing debt and a whole host of different subjects that you just can't learn about on the skeet range. (It's at this point that I'll take the high road and not let you know that I so dearly wanted to call you a thickheaded Nascar beer chugging moron...but I won't).
Posted by: Sbarro at March 18, 2006 08:25 AM