« Top 10 cars, UK edition | Main | Did anyone even notice I was gone? »
March 22, 2006
A college professor's revenge
University of North Carolina Prof. Mike Adams decided he'd simply follow the lead of his students and let his feelings guide his actions.
. . . Thanks to the woman who spent our entire review session asking me what was going to be on the test by repeating terms and asking “Is this important?” The answer is “yes.” Being a chronic pain in the ass is important. It means your co-workers will probably hate you as much as your professors – that is, if you ever graduate from college.
And, finally, thanks to the young man who frantically shoves his cell phone in his pocket every day at the exact moment I walk in to class. Sure, cell phones are banned in my class but you really need yours because you can’t go for one hour without text messaging your girlfriend. You figure if you keep sending her twenty messages per hour, she’ll never figure out that you’re in it for the sex. You’re in for a long life, buddy.
But at least all of you have shown me that personal needs are more important than the rules that help us live in a little thing call “society.” Since, I am now joining you in basing my decisions on my personal feelings – as opposed to objective rules – I may well get promoted to the Office of Campus Diversity where all the ground-breaking intellectual work is done.
But, of course, I first have to let you all know how this new philosophy will affect my conduct. Listen carefully as some of these changes may affect you personally:
I will no longer resend you a copy of the syllabus via email after you come to class late or walk in with your cell phone. Instead, I will just take a letter grade off your final average without bothering to inform you. Why? Well, I simply feel like doing it that way. And nothing else matters but my feelings.
I will no longer grade exams and pass them back. If you manage to refrain from making me angry (anger is a feeling, too) for the rest of the semester, I will give you the grade that I feel you deserve. The rest of you will simply fail. Why? Well, I simply feel like doing it that way. You know that nothing else matters but my personal feelings.
For those of you who are my advisees, I have decided to stop doing that, too. Advising is boring and I simply don’t feel like doing it anymore.
I’ll also be coming to class late and answering calls and text messaging during lectures. Some may call it unprofessional but I really don’t feel that way.
All of the complicated and boring cases I discuss in class will simply be skipped from now on. You will still be tested on the material but I won’t explain it. It just takes too much effort. And effort makes me tired. And, of course, tired doesn’t feel good. Some may say I’m lazy but that’s too bad. Nothing matters but my feelings. I don’t like to be inconvenienced.
Oh yes! Before I forget, all of you who have missed appointments this semester please sign up for another one at your convenience. This time, I’m going to stand you up for a meeting. That’s called revenge. Revenge feels good.
If anything I have said today is confusing I promise to send an email reminder later when I feel like it. It may be rambling and it may contain misspellings. I just don’t feel like editing and spell-checking anymore. Living without any rules or any vision is just so damned liberating.
Thank God I never have to leave college! And thank God for tenure!
Don't you just hate it when The Man co-opts the proletariat's talking points?
Posted by Mike Lief at March 22, 2006 06:15 AM
| TrackBack
Comments
Great article. I love the website.
Sadly, we have all witnessed the death of responsibility in America. The fear of litigation has engendered a cowardly 'cover your ass' mentality in American life that has more power over our daily existence than the freedoms which spring from our right to vote and (allegedly) self-govern.
Why do schools, hospitals, businesses and government agencies listen to the sniveling and whining?
They listen because of a million strong attorney army of darkness that can ruin a business just by filing a lawsuit, even when the plaintiff is completely wrong.
Any idiot who feels insulted can go out and hire Johnny Cochran to fight for him in a court of law. If you hurt my feelings by being straight with me and setting rules and boundaries that should exist in any orderly society, I just may sue you for intentionally inflicting emotional distress on me.
'Boo hoo. Boo hoo. I'm sensitive and the world should comfort me when I'm feeling fragile.'
I contend that the pioneer spirit that forged our great land is being bled out of our collect spirit one pint at a time by an army of moral mutants who call themselves "lawyers." (see overlawyered.com )
In my home state of Ohio, it was not a surprise to see the blood sucking lawyers turned out in droves to lobby against SB 80, a much needed tort reform bill.
Lawyers couldn't care less about their clients. One day they argue out of one side of their mouths for position A, the next day they'll speak passionately for Position B. It just doesn't matter as long as they get their blood money.
If you really follow the trail of cowardice in America, you will inevitably walk right into a den of vampires called lawyers.
Posted by: Red Stater at March 24, 2006 01:30 PM
Schools don't seem to be much about learning any more. Most profs just say what they think, forget the facts.
Posted by: B.R. at March 26, 2006 11:15 PM
In Ohio many conservatives are taking a stand against the tide of illegal immigration. The time is now to stand up and scream to the government to fortify our borders. Charlie is in the wire!
http://www.pardonmyenglish.com/archives/2006/03/minuteman_proje_1.html
Posted by: Red Stater at March 27, 2006 09:14 PM