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November 03, 2006
Things the Dog Whisperer forgot to mention
So I'm sitting at the counter, drinking my morning coffee in a nice big mug, reading the latest news on my laptop, when one of the cats, Squeaks, steps daintily through the pet door from the garage back into the house.
I pay no attention until I begin hearing a series of URP-URP-URP noises coming from him. I glance up and see him crouched around the corner from the fireplace, lips drawn back in a rictus, drool pouring from his mouth until he delivers a steaming pile of his breakfast onto the tile floor.
I sit, mug halfway to my pursed lips, repulsed, thinking, "Well, at least it's on the tile; that's not too bad."
Then Squeaks walks four paces closer, looks at me and crouches low to the ground as I again hear the dreaded URP-URP-URP.
He draws his lips back again, only this time he sticks his tongue out.
As drool runs from his fangs, I think there's a distinct possibility I may vomit in my coffee.
With a convulsive thrust delivered all the way from the tip of his tail, the cat drops another steaming pile of Fancy Feast on the floor.
Then he runs into the bedroom.
Now, the last thing in the world I want is for the cat to spew on my bed, or on one of the few carpeted floors in the house, so I walk after him, calling, "C'mere Squeaks! Wanna go out?"
He glances contemputously over his shoulder as he disappears under the bed.
Super. I go back into the family room to clean up, only to hear Bogie's tags jingling merrily.
"Oh, no!" I think to myself. "Bogie, what are you doing?" He walks around the corner, grinning and licking his lips, making yummy lip-smacking noises, and I see there's one less pile of cat vomit then there had been a moment ago.
My lips draw back in a rictus and drool begins -- no, wait, that's the cat.
Sigh.
Truly, ignorance is bliss. I'll clean up the mess and we'll all forget this morning happened, okay?
Blech.
Posted by Mike Lief at November 3, 2006 07:18 AM
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Comments
Brother, I've totally lost my appetite for the day after reading this!
Posted by: Shvester at November 6, 2006 08:35 AM
Nasty. It's fricking amazing what dogs will eat. We had a dog that did the same thing when I was a kid ... to the rubharb pie my sister had just chucked.
Posted by: Anwyn at November 6, 2006 08:57 PM