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January 02, 2007
Start the year with a laugh
Well, we survived 2006. And by "we" I mean those of us who had the good fortune not to be the ex-dictator of a dusty patch of dirt somewhere near the confluence of the Tigris and the Euphrates rivers.
The past year was filled with death, destruction, gross violations of human rights -- and that was just in Congress.
So what better way to start the year than with a good laugh, courtesy of good, old-fashioned American capitalism.
Kodak, the Rochester, New York, firm that popularized photography during the 20th century, has looked like it was headed for the corporate scrapheap, a victim of the digital revolution. Oh, sure, Kodak has had decent consumer-level digital cameras, but they've been surpassed by the Japanese, who are churning out new and improved pint-sized picture-making machines of ever-increasing quality and sophistication.
Hell, pro-photog Ken Rockwell challenges his readers to guess which picture was taken by a $5,000 pro camera, and which one by his $150 pocket digicam -- and better eyes than mine have been fooled into picking the pix snapped by the one costing $3,850 less than it's bigger sibling.
Anyhoo, lest you think that the folks in Rochester have grown complacent, figuring that the digital fad will pass, take a gander at what may be the greatest commercial ever made.
If Kodak bought airtime for this, they'd gain HUGE market share, even if they were marketing pin-hole shoebox cameras -- Americans love a combination of self-deprecating humor, combined with real smarts, and the venerable film/camera maker has both in spades.
Happy 2007!
The ad starts off, looking like a conventional address by a white-haired corporate suit, lauding the corporate contributions to American life over the last century and a quarter, but then he changes tone and takes the ad to places no major company has gone.
... In fact, many of us fondly refer to those special times as "Kodak moments."
Gets you ... misty, doesn't it?
Yup, they shoveled on the schmaltz pretty thick, didn't they?
But that kind of crap doesn't work anymore! People want the latest digital things -- more power, more features. Wireless contraptions, innovative ways to bring their pictures into the 21st Century.
Well, guess what, Bucko, Kodak is doing it!
You thought they were just hiding out, waiting for this digital thing to blow over, didn't ya?
Oh, sure, for a while they were like, "Ooooh, there's no way digital's gonna catch on!"
Hell, twenty years ago they pawned the first digital camera off on Apple.
But now, Kodak is back! They're taking this digital thing to a level undreamed of, pioneering technology that'll redefine the digital revolution!
I know, big talk coming from the company that unleashed Advantix onto the world, right?
Well, turn down your Mini-Disc player, fire up your Newtons and listen up! 'Cause they're not playing grab-ass anymore!
They've got things in their research labs that'll make biometrics look like a HappyMeal toy!
I'm talking facial-recognition, GPS-enabled photography so my camera knows where it is. Pictures that learn and group themselves into stories -- We're talking meta-knowledge.
Cameras that automatically enhance the color of the grass -- because they know it's grass!
Try and patent that! Ohh, too late!
Ha-ha!
And what about sharing? I'll tell ya about sharing!
All your friends and family'll be e-mailing their pictures wirelessly to you, and sending pictures of grandma's birthday to your phone, and uploading shots of the dog wearing those big, stupid sunglasses to your PDA!
And they're gonna be everywhere, because now you won't have to be a Navajo code-breaker to use digital!
And they're all gonna look like freakin' Annie Leibowitz shot 'em, because they'll automatically adjust the lighting and the composition for you!
No more flash problems, no more red-eye! How's that for advanced? BOO-YA!
And you know what the best part is? They're gonna turn the schmaltz back up to ELEVEN! Oh, yes!
People will have their Kodak moments again. They're going to bring back all those damn pictures of the cute puppies and the cuddly kittens, and the cooing babies and that-that doe eyed kid -- you know the one!
They're bringing them all back, all in the same spot, and it's going to be 15 minutes long, and James Cameron'll direct it!
And Celine Dion'll sing the theme song while riding along on a unicorn through a field of baby animals under a BIG BLUE SKY ... and there's not a damn thing you can do to stop it!
You were a Kodak moment once, and by God, you'll be one again, only this time it's digital!
YEEARGH!
By the end, his hair is sticking out in all directions as he recovers from his Howard Dean-like scream, gathers his composure, and walks off the stage.
"Celine Dion'll sing the theme song while riding along on a unicorn through a field of baby animals under a BIG BLUE SKY!"
I don't care where you're from, that's funny.
Folks, trust me, this account doesn't do it justice. Watch the ad.
Awesome.
Posted by Mike Lief at January 2, 2007 12:55 PM
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Comments
Good gravy, Michael, how do you find time to LOOK at all this stuff, sort out the good, and post it?
I'm just guessing here, but I bet you don't read the sports page much.
Posted by: The Little Coach at January 2, 2007 07:26 PM
What is this "sports page" of which you speak?
Posted by: Mike Lief at January 2, 2007 09:16 PM
OK, you started two paragraphs with "Hell," doncha edit your work :)
Posted by: dawn at January 4, 2007 12:45 PM
Actually, the second "Hell" is said by the silver-haired gent having a meltdown during the Kodak commercial.
Posted by: Mike Lief at January 4, 2007 01:43 PM
I would have identified "sports page" as the section of the newspaper after the editorials, but then it occurred to me that "newspaper" might also not mean anything to the totally-wired you.
Posted by: The Little Coach at January 4, 2007 02:45 PM