March 26, 2007
From the D.A. Files: Case Prep
Part of getting a case ready for trial involves talking to your witnesses, going over the statements they gave to the cops, explaining to them the mechanics of testifying in front of a jury.
This afternoon, I found the phone number for a witness, Barney Fife (would you believe not his real name?), in one of the police reports, and dialed.
"May I please speak with Barney Fife?"
There was a moment's silence on the line, then the guy on the other end said, "Who?"
"Barney Fife," I answered. "My name is Michael Lief; I'm a district attorney in Ventura, California, and Barney is a witness in a case I'm prosecuting. This is the number he gave the police."
"Ventura, huh?" The man paused a moment, then said, "Well, my name is Sam Johnson, and I'm in a call center in Maine. Can I interest you in ordering Enzyte, the amazing male enhancement product?"
I looked at the handset, then glanced around my office, certain I was trapped in Allen Funt's Candid Camera (That's Ashton Kutcher's Punk'd! for us middle-aged fogies).
"Male enhancement drug ... right."
"No, no!" he said, "It's not a drug; male enhancement product," stressing the final word. "We're very careful not to call it a drug. That would imply certain performance-related guarantees."
"Look," I said, desperately trying to steer the conversation North of the belt buckle and away from my shortcomings, "Does anyone there know Barney, or how to get in touch with him?"
"Sorry, man. But I could give you a break on a large order ...."
This guy's good.
Posted by Mike Lief at March 26, 2007 10:22 PM
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